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3RingCircus.Freeservers.com Articles |
| I've learned that if you want to get even with someone at camp, you rub their underwear in poison ivy. -Age 11 |
| In Chicago, IL it is: Saturday, July 5, 2008 5:41 am - In Tasmania, Australia it is: Saturday, July 5, 2008 8:41 pm |
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People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered, love them anyway
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives, do good anyway
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies, succeed anyway
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow, do good anyway
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable, be honest and frank anyway
The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest ideas, think big anyway
People favor underdogs, but follow only top-dogs, fight for a few underdogs anyway
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight, build anyway
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them, help them anyway
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth, give the world the best you have anyway
-Lou Holtz
Top Of Page
WE'LL
GO FORWARD FROM THIS MOMENT
Open Letter to Terrorists
by Leonard Pitts Jr.
Miami Herald
September 12, 2001
It's my job to have something to say. They
pay me to provide words that help make sense of that which troubles the American soul. But
in this moment of airless shock when hot tears sting disbelieving eyes, the only thing I
can find to say, the only words that seem to fit, must be addressed to the unknown author
of this suffering.
You monster. You beast. You unspeakable bastard.
What lesson did you hope to teach us by your coward's attack on our World Trade Center,
our Pentagon, us? What was it you hoped we would learn? Whatever it was, please know that
you failed.
Did you want us to respect your cause? You just damned your cause.
Did you want to make us fear? You just steeled our resolve.
Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together.
Let me tell you about my people. We are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by
racial, social, political and class division, but a family nonetheless. We're frivolous,
yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae -- a
singer's revealing dress, a ball team's misfortune, a cartoon mouse. We're wealthy, too,
spoiled by the ready availability of trinkets and material goods, and maybe because of
that, we walk through life with a certain sense of blithe entitlement. We are
fundamentally decent, though -- peace-loving and compassionate. We struggle to know the
right thing and to do it. And we are, the overwhelming majority of us, people of faith,
believers in a just and loving God.
Some people -- you, perhaps -- think that any or all of this makes us weak. You're
mistaken. We are not weak. Indeed, we are strong in ways that cannot be measured by
arsenals.
IN PAIN
Yes, we're in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We're still grappling with
the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that
this isn't a special effect from some Hollywood blockbuster, isn't the plot development
from a Tom Clancy novel. Both in terms of the awful scope of their ambition and the
probable final death toll, your attacks are likely to go down as the worst acts of
terrorism in the history of the United States and, probably, the history of the world.
You've bloodied us as we have never been bloodied before.
But there's a gulf of difference between making us bloody and making us fall. This is the
lesson Japan was taught to its bitter sorrow the last time anyone hit us this hard, the
last time anyone brought us such abrupt and monumental pain. When roused, we are righteous
in our outrage, terrible in our force. When provoked by this level of barbarism, we will
bear any suffering, pay any cost, go to any length, in the pursuit of justice.
I tell you this without fear of contradiction. I know my people, as you, I think, do not.
What I know reassures me. It also causes me to tremble with dread of the future.
In the days to come, there will be recrimination and accusation, fingers pointing to
determine whose failure allowed this to happen and what can be done to prevent it from
happening again. There will be heightened security, misguided talk of revoking basic
freedoms. We'll go forward from this moment sobered, chastened, sad. But determined, too.
Unimaginably determined.
THE STEEL IN US
You see, the steel in us is not always readily apparent. That aspect of our character is
seldom understood by people who don't know us well. On this day, the family's bickering is
put on hold.
As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in
defense of all that we cherish.
So I ask again: What was it you hoped to teach us? It occurs to me that maybe you just
wanted us to know the depths of your hatred. If that's the case, consider the message
received. And take this message in exchange: You don't know my people. You don't know what
we're capable of. You don't know what you just started.
But you're about to learn.
America:
The Good Neighbor
The below was written & published in a
Canadian publication shortly after 9-11-01. I don't know who wrote it, when it was
written or what publication (newspaper, magazine, etc.) it originally appeared.
"This Canadian thinks it is time to
speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people
on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted
out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave
other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its
remaining debts to the United States.
When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up,
and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I
saw it. When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to
help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.
The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged
countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing About the decadent, warmongering
Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion
of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world
have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If
so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American
Planes?
Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk
about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy,
and you find men on the moon - not once, but several times and safely home again.
You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for
everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here
on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting
American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.
When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the
Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went
broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.
I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble.
Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't
think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.
Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing
them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when
they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their
present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those."
Stand proud, America!
THE ETIOLOGY AND
TREATMENT OF CHILDHOOD
Jordan W Smoller, University of Pennsylvania
Childhood is a syndrome which has only recently begun to receive serious attention from clinicians. The syndrome itself, however, is not at all recent. As early as the 8th century, the Persian historian Kidnom made reference to "short, noisy creatures," who may well have been what we now call "children." The treatment of children, however, was unknown until this century, when so-call "child psychologists" and "child psychiatrists" became common. Despite this history of clinical neglect, it has been estimated that well over half of all Americans alive today have experienced childhood directly (Suess, 1983). In fact, the actual numbers are probably much higher, since these data are based on self-reports which may be subject to social desirability biases and retrospective distortion.
The growing acceptance of childhood as a distinct phenomenon is reflected in the proposed inclusion of the syndrome in the upcoming Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental disorders, 4th Edition, or DSM-IV, of the American Psychiatric Association (1985). Clinicians are still in disagreement about the significant clinical features of childhood, but the proposed DSM-IV will almost certainly include the following core features:
Although the focus of this paper is on the efficiency of conventional treatment of childhood, the five clinical markers mentioned above will be further discussed for those unfamiliar with this patient population.
Congenital Onset
In one of the few existing literature reviews on childhood, Temple-Black (1982) has noted that childhood is almost always present at birth although it may go undetected for years or even remain subclinical indefinitely. This observation has led some investigators to speculate on a biological contribution to childhood. As one psychologist has said, "We may soon be in a position to distinguish organic childhood from functional childhood" (Rogers, 1979).
Dwarfism
This is certainly the most familiar clinical marker of childhood. It is widely known that children are physically short relative to the population at large. Indeed, common clinical wisdom suggests that treatment of the so-called "small child" (or "tot") is particularly difficult. These children are known to exhibit infantile behavior and display startling lack of insight (Tom & Jerry, 1969).
Emotional Liability and Immaturity
This aspect of childhood is often the only basis for a clinical diagnosis. As a result, many otherwise normal adults are misdiagnosed and labeled a "child" by professionals and friends alike.
Knowledge Deficits
While many children have IQ's within or even above the normal all will manifest knowledge decicits. Anyone who has known a real child has experienced the frustration of trying to discuss any topic that requires some general knowledge. Children seem to have little knowledge about the world they live in. Politics, arts and sciences children are largely ignorant of these. Perhaps it is because of the ignorance, but the sad fact is that most children have few friends who are not, themselves, children.
Legume Anorexia
This last identifying feature is perhaps the most unexpected. Fold wisdom is supported by empirical observation - children will rarely eat their vegetables (see Popeye, 1957, for review).
Now that we know what it is, what can we say about the causes of childhood? Recent years have seen a flurry of theory and speculation from a number of perspectives. Some of the most prominent are reviewed below.
Sociological Model
Emile Durkind was perhaps the first to speculate about sociological causes of childhood. He points out two key observations about children: 1) the vast majority of children are unemployed and 2) children represent one of the least educated segments of our society. In fact, it is estimated that less than 20% of children have more than a fourth grade education.
Clearly, children are an "out-group." Because of their intellectual handicap, children are even denied the right to vote. From the sociologist's perspective, treatment should be aimed at helping assimilate children into mainstream society. Unfortunately, some victims are so incapacitated by their childhood that they are simply not competent to work. One promising rehabilitation program (Spanky & Alfalfa, 1978) has trained victims of severe childhood to sell lemonade.
Biological Model
The observation that childhood is usually present from birth has led some to speculate on a biological contribution. An early investigation by Flinstone and Jetson (1939) indicated that childhood runs in families. Their survey of over 8,000 American families reveals that half contained more than one child. Further investigation revealed that even most non-child family members has experienced childhood at some point. Cross-cultural studies (e.g., Mowgli & Din, 1950) indicate that familiar childhood is even more prevalent in the Far East. An example, in Indian and Chinese families, as many as three out of five family members may have childhood.
Impressive evidence of genetic component of childhood comes from a large-scale twin study by Brady and Partridge (1972). The authors studied over 106 pairs of twins, looking at concordance rate for childhood. Among identical or monozygotic twins, concordance unusually high (92%), i.e. when one twin was diagnosed with childhood the other twin was almost always a child as well.
Psychological Models
A considerable number of psychologically-based theories of the development of childhood exist. They are too numerous to review. Among the familiar models are Seligman's "learned childish" model. According to this model, individuals who are treated like children eventually give up and become children. As a counterpoint to such theories, some experts have claimed that childhood does not exist. Szasz (1980) has called "childhood" an expedient label, in seeing conformity, we handicap those whom we find unruly to too short to deal with by labeling them "children."
Treatment of Childhood
Efforts to treat childhood are as old as the syndrome itself. Only modern times, however, have humane and systematic treatment protocols been applied. In part, this increased attention to the problem may be due to the sheer number of individuals suffering from childhood. The Government statistics (DHHS) reveal that there are more children today than at any time in our history. To paraphrase P.T. Barnes "There is a child born every minute."
The overwhelming number of children has made government intervention inevitable. The nineteenth century saw the institution of schools. This remain the largest single program for the treatment of childhood and is called "pubic school." Under this colossal program, individuals placed into treatment groups based on the severity of their condition. For example, those most severely afflicted may be placed in a "kindergarten" program. Patients at this level are typically short, emotionally immature and intellectually deficient. Given this type of individual, therapy is, of necessity, very basic. The strategy is essentially one of patient management and of helping child master basic skills (i.e., finger-painting).
Unfortunately, the "school" system has been largely ineffective. Not only is the program a massive tax burden, but it has failed even to slow down the rising incidence of childhood.
Faced with this failure and growing epidemic of childhood, mental health professionals are devoting increasing attention to the treatment of childhood. Given a theoretical framework by Freud's landmark treatises on childhood, child psychiatrists and psychologist claimed great successes in their clinical interventions.
By the 1950's however, the clinician's optimism was waned. Even after years of costly analyses, many victims remained children. The following case (taken from Gumbie & Pokey, 1957) is typical:
Billy J., age 8, was brought to treatment by his parents. Billy's affliction was painfully obvious. He stood only 4'3" high and weighed a scant 70 pounds, despite the fact that he ate voraciously. Billy presented a variety of troubling symptoms. His voice was noticeably high for a man. He displayed legume anorexia and, according to his parents, often refused to bathe. His intellectual functioning was also below normal - he had little general knowledge and could barely write a structured sentence. Social skills were also deficient. He often spoke inappropriately and exhibited "whining behavior." His sexual experience was non-existent. Indeed, Billy considered women "icky."
His parents reported that his condition has been present from birth. Improving gradually after he was placed in a school at age 5. The diagnosis was "primary childhood." After years of painstaking treatment, Billy improved gradually. At age 11, his height and weight have increased, his social skills are broader, and he is now functional enough to hold down a "paper route."
After years of this kind of frustration, startling new evidence has come to light which suggests that the prognosis in cases of childhood may not be all gloom. A critical review by Fudd (1972) noted that studies of childhood syndrome tend to lack careful follow-up. Acting on this observation, Moe, Larry and Kirly (1974) began a large-scale longitudinal study. These investigators studied two groups. The first group comprised 34 children currently engaged in a long-term conventional treatment program. The second was a group of 42 children receiving no treatment. All subjects had been diagnosed as children at least 4 years previously, with a mean duration of childhood of 6.4 years. At the end of one year, the results confirmed the clinical wisdom that childhood is a refractory disorder - virtually all symptoms persisted and the treatment group was only slightly better off than the controls.
The results, however, of a careful 10-year follow-up were startling. The investigators (Moe, Larry, Kirly & Shemp, 1984) assessed the original cohort on a variety of measures. General knowledge and emotional maturity were assessed with standard measures. Height was assessed by the "metric system" (see Ruler, 1923) and legume appetite by the Vegetable Appetite Test (VAT) designed by Popeye (1968). Moe et al. found that subjects improved uniformly on all measures. Indeed in most cases, the subjects appeared to be symptom-free. Moe et al. report a spontaneous remission rate of 95%, a finding which is certain to revolutionize the clinical approach to childhood.
These recent results suggest that the prognosis for victims of childhood may not be as bad as we have feared. We must not, however, become too complacent. Despite its apparently high spontaneous remission rate, childhood remains one of the most serious and rapidly growing disorders facing mental health professionals today. And, beyond the psychological pain it brings, childhood has recently been linked to a number of physical disorders. Twenty years ago, Howdi, Doodi and Bozo (1965) demonstrated a six-fold increased risk of chicken pocks, measles, and mumps among children as compared with normal controls. Later, Barbie and Ken (1971) linked childhood to an elevated risk of accidents - compared to normal adults. Victims of childhood were much more likely to scrape their knees, lose their teeth and fall off their bikes.
Clearly, much more research is needed before we can give any real hope to millions of victims wracked by this insidious disorder.
HOW YOU CAN TELL IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY
You wake up face down on the pavement
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of town
Your twin sister forgot your birthday
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke then realize you don't have a waterbed
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway
Your husband wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
You wake up and your braces are locked together
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband
Your income tax check bounces
You put both contacts lenses in the same eye
Your pet rock snaps at you
Your wife says: "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George
Your past fifty and the rabbit dies
author unknown.....but obviously troubled
THE FEMALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES!!
The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification
No male can possible know all the rules. Nearly all females are born with this knowledge
If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she may immediately change some or all of the rules
THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG!
If the female is mistaken, it is because of a misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong
If rule #6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding
THE FEMALE CAN CHANGE HER MIND AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME
The male must NEVER change his mind without express written consent from the female
THE FEMALE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET AT ANY TIME
The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset
The female must under NO circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset
Any attempt to change these rules could result in sever bodily harm (does the word Bobbit mean anything to you?)
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A FLY LANDS ON YOUR FOOD
Flies can't eat solid food, so to soften it up they vomit on it. Then they stomp the vomit until it's a liquid, usually stomping in a few germs for good measure. Then when it's good and runny, they suck it all back again, probably dropping some excrement at the same time. And then when they've finished eating, it's your turn.
I don't know about you, but I could really go for a pizza right now.
Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house
They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room
They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time
They growl when they are not happy
When you want to play, they want to play
When you want to be alone, they want to play
They are great at begging
They will love you forever if you rub their tummies
They leave their toys everywhere
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats
Cats do what they want, when they want
They rarely listen to you
They're totally unpredictable
They whine when they are not happy
When you want to play, they want to be alone
When you want to be alone, they want to play
They expect you to cater to their every whim
They're moody
They leave hair everywhere
They drive you nuts
Conclusion: They're like little, tiny women in cheap fur coats
Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...much try this on their bed.
Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan....
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue, something akin to mole speak, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room he safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....
HOUSE RULES FOR DEALING WITH STRAY CATS
1. Stray cats will not be fed
2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk
4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, laced with treats and leftover fish
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence
6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily
7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name
8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time
9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times
10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y"
11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture
13. Stray cats may be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $59.99 sisal-rope cats-scratching post with three perches
14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the dirt
15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh 'n' Clean kitty litter
16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of headroom
17. Stray cats will sleep outside
18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage
19. Stray cats will sleep in the house
20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket
21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty Komfort bed with non-allergenic lambs' wool pillow
22. Stray cats will only be allowed to sleep at the foot of our bed, outside the covers
23. Stray cats will only be allowed to sleep under the covers if they are not biting us
24. Stray cats will not be allowed to put their names on the house deed
25. Stray cats will not be allowed to take our names off the house deed
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to toilet water and open both lids
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you walk towards the bathroom
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so he cannot escape)
CAUTION: Do not get too close where his claws can get you
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times (this provides the power wash & rinse)
6. Have someone open the door to the outside & make sure no one is standing between the bathroom and the outside door
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids
8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet & run outside
Sincerely,
Dog
Demand attention - You may have to lie on someone's head while they sleep or plant your body in front of the television while they watch, but don't rest until you get all you're entitled to.
Speech is Overrated - You don't have to talk to be the most adorable and lovable one in the house.
Put Up With Your Parents - So they make you wear bows and nerdy sweaters - it's not the end of the world. Besides, they are the ones who feed you.
Never Underestimate the Power of Sleep - When annoyed, sleep. When happy, sleep. When in doubt, sleep.
Use Your Senses - Smell, taste and touch everything, be it an old shoe or a speck of dirt. Even the smallest items are worthy of your attention.
Be Afraid of Thunderstorms - Forget bravery. At the first sign of a sprinkle, crawl under something heavy and whimper.
Practice Good Hygiene - If you're dirty, do what you must, where you must. It doesn't matter who's watching.
Stand Up For Yourself - If someone bothers you, get your back up and show a little claw. You're too cute to be yelled at.
There's No Such Thing As Too Much Groveling - Don't be afraid to cuddle, purr and nuzzle shamelessly to get your way.
Simplify, Simplify, Simplify - All that's really required is that you eat, sleep, love and be loved, and ... well, do your business.
It was dark and quiet, the still of the night.
No sound at all, a street lamp the only light.
I was all settled in, covers pulled to my chin,
The best part of the dream about to begin.
When suddenly I awoke and I knew not why,
No alarm had gone off, I don't have a baby to cry.
I struggled to wake, it was hard to breathe.
And for some reason I couldn't see.
There was a weight, a pressure on my brain.
I tried to move and only got neck strain!
Then I realized and under my breath said, "Oh good grief, I have a cat on my head".
A tail lay covering both of my eyes,
a foot on my nose, chin covered with cat thighs.
A 13 pound tabby was perched on my head.
Why did he pick here? He has the rest of a queen size water bed!
So I pushed him and spoke and said "Get off of my head."
And he meowed and refused to lay on the bed.
Finally in desperation, with my very last breath,
I shouted "Pounce" as loud as I could and he finally left.
Those who have kitties have to agree,
they are sweet and lovable, a joy to have and to see.
But in the night when trying to sleep
a cat anywhere might creep.
So sometime you might wake in the night
unable to move even though you try with all your might.
Relax, its o.k. don't be filled with dread,
Its just a cat laying on your head.
By Terri Crawford
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It will take the edge off your appetite, and you will eat less.
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, it may be a sign of a deeper problem.
Store your chocolate on top of the refrigerator. Calories are afraid of heights and will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate make a balanced diet.
The preservatives in chocolate will make you look younger.
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose and an entire garment industry would be out of business.
A nice box of chocolate provides your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you will get one thing done.
Question: Why is
there no organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Problem: How do you get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the
store in a hot car?